Chao Chile

22 de julio, 2019

I pressed my memory card into my computer this morning, only to be met with heartache. I flipped through a variety of pictures and was flooded with the memories that felt like fading images in my mind. Of my Chilean family. Of my home. Of my sweet amigas. Of what I called home for 4 months. It has been a month since I said tearful goodbyes and hopped on a plane to say hello to the United States. Even now I cannot fully process what has gone on in my heart and mind since this time of transition and readjustment began. It has included an overwhelming amount of emotions, and sometimes has evoked the absence of them. It has brought with it moments of frustrations that have taught me grace, as I struggle to answer questions from those who love me. It has brought with it long-awaited embraces, full of laughter and buckets of tears. I never thought it would be this difficult to say goodbye, but it only affirms that God allowed me to plant my feet in this sweet place and call it home for a bit. It only affirms that God provided immensely, as He gave me a family in my church-community- connected under the blood of Jesus- that I will forever miss and love. It only affirms that the ministry He gave me for a season was ministry I held near to my heart- the people I served, the LORD I served, and those I had the privilege to serve with. I will forever be thankful for this season and assignment. I will forever be thankful for what I learned, the people I grew to love and call my people, the hills that witnessed conversations full of God’s mercy amidst breathless outpours of the heart, the global church, and the moments that refined me. For now, I will wait, because I know poco a poco, the Lord will allow me to look back, process, and see His immense faithfulness through this chapter of my life. There is still so much to glean from the things He did, the lessons He taught me, and the work He did. It is with joy that I say see you soon beautiful Chile, forever you will hold a piece of my heart and feel like home to me.

Una Historia de Fidelidad || A Story of Faithfulness

“He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:24

It’s a sunny day in Recreo, and I’m just sitting here sipping on a homemade dirty chai latte, thinking about how good GRACIOUS my Savior is. It has been about a month since I last blogged, as I’ve realized the best way for me to process through this journey is through verbal, life giving, conversations. However, as I’ve hit the midway mark in my time here in Chile, I’ve felt the urge to share how I’ve seen God’s strength and provision in my weakness. The process of seeing His fingerprint has been a slow but steady process, but His timing has been best, and day by day I’ve been learning to cling to Him even more.

Welcome to the out-pouring out of my gringa heart. Grab a cafecito or técito and join me… this could take a while. This is what we adopted Chileans call “sobre mesa”.

Since we last joined together at this hypothetical table, so much has happened. There has not been a day where God has not been working in my heart. He has been continually refining me and making me more into His image. Many days have felt like internal battles to live for Christ rather than for self, and ultimately the world.

There have been days where I have sat in front of my house close to tears, broken- hearted over the fact that dear friends do not know the One who is my refuge and peace.

There have been days where I have sat emotionless in my cold room, pleading with God for an opportunity to feel. To feel in awe of Him. To feel sadness. To feel joy.

There have been days where I have felt alone and dis-unified among the body of Christ.

There have been days where I have been frustrated. Where I have walked around the city for 2 hours, looking for the post office and a coffee shop.

There have been days where I have felt misunderstood, where it seems like no one understands the deep parts of me. My passions. My struggles. My weakness.

There have been days where I have fought the battle of comparison, wondering why my Spanish is not a clean and clear as my friends. Wondering if I am living a life of complete obedience to the mission God has called me to here, and globally.

There have been days where all I’ve wanted is to be home. There have been days where I never want to leave.

This list only taps the surface at the internal struggle I’ve found myself facing. But if you’ve made it this far, I’m here to tell you there is hope. Christ has been my sustainer, my sword, my shield, my provider, my Father, my rock and my Salvation in every single moment. When things of the flesh have let me down, He has remained the same. Every. Single. Day.

-He has reminded me that He is making all things new.

-He has reminded me that He is eternal. In His love for me. In His grace for me. In His word. In His mercy. In His character. In His justice. In all things, He is eternal.

-He has reminded me that He is indeed faithful. What Christ has called me to, He will complete. He will be glorified. He will bring people to know Him. He will use me as His vessel. I may never see the harvest, but He will use me to plant seeds and cultivate what has already been planted.

-He has reminded me that He is gracious. And as my Lord is gracious, I am also called to imitate that grace.

-He has reminded me that He is immeasurable… and in His immeasurability, He has left me in awe. He has left me in awe of the parts of Him I may never fully comprehend. He has left me in awe of the depth of His love. He has left me in awe of the way He functions… His power. His authority. His justice. His mercy. His grace. His everlasting love. His ability to surpass + transcend time and space. His ability to remain faithful, in centuries past, present and future.

-He has reminded me that He is my provider. He has equipped me with all I need to serve Him. The same Holy Spirit inside of me raised Jesus from the grave and equipped the Early Church to reach the nations with the Gospel.

...

Last week, as I reached the midway mark (2 meses!!!) of my time here in Chile, I hopped on a plane to Bogota, Colombia. For 6 days, I spent time in the home of my sweet friends, the McNeill’s. As they graciously shared their time, family, friends, faith, and life with me, I found rest. Not in what they could provide, but in the way Jesus was providing for me through their hospitality. In the safety of their home, and amidst authentic friendship with Sarah I was reminded of the beauty and blessing of authentic community. As I sat and sipped a chai, cafecito, or granizado with Sarah, I was overwhelmed with joy, but more so, I was overwhelmed with encouragement.

This sweet friend took the time to share with me stories of God’s undeniable faithfulness and sovereign power in her families lives in both their time in Chiapas, Mexico and now, in Bogota, Colombia. She poured out graceful wisdom over me and reminded me of why God has me in Chile… even more, why God has me here on this earth. To know Him and to make Him known.

As we grew encouraged over understanding one another's struggles and stories of life in Latin America, I was encouraged to remember that Jesus knows my heart in these moments more than anyone on Earth ever could.

I left for Colombia feeling empty and weak, but Jesus used my sweet family en Cristo to remind me that He was still equipping me with all I needed. His power would be made great and known in the midst of my weakness. He would be the ultimate provider of my strength to serve Him. He would renew my Soul.

As I hopped back on a plane for Chile, I felt truly sad to leave. I cried for the first time in a very long time- bittersweet tears. I was not ready to leave a place and a people that felt like home, but I was simultaneously excited and renewed, ready to go back, love, and serve the people God had placed in my life here to demonstrate and share who HE is and what HE has done.

In my carry-on, I somehow managed to smuggle back 79 Easter eggs, and as soon as I got home- after taking a long nap of course… because all night flights are HARD- I hit the ground running.

This Thursday night, I sat down with my fellow teammates and sisters in Christ- Jess, Shannon, and Pame- and we planned an activity using these eggs, to reach the children we serve each Friday in the children’s home, with la Buena Noticia (The Good News). Over chai tea and prayer, my excitement grew for these children who have faced earthly abandonment to know who their true Father is… to hear the Gospel, maybe even for the first time.

As Friday came, I walked through spiritual warfare all day long. I can only describe this feeling as a friction and war within my mind and soul. I felt incredibly weak, and incredibly disconnected from Jess and Shannon. As we rode the micro to the home, and then sat in the park before heading in, all I could do was pray for God to take this away. I pleaded with God to give me a pure, gracious, humbled heart… and in a way he did. Humility was certainly present as I stumbled through my Spanish, sharing the story of the Gospel- from creation to the resurrection- with the children and tias. A war for souls was certainly going on, and the evil one was not having it. I fought the whole time not to compare myself to my friends, whose words seemed to flow freely from their lips.

But where I felt weakest, Christ was sovereign and stronger.

The children were engaged in the Gospel story. They were reminded of who He is and of His deep love. Even in broken words, God spoke through us. Even amidst language barriers, fear and spiritual warfare, the Lord provided. I was humbled, yet as I reflect, all I see is His grace and power.

In all honesty, as we finished the story and began the Easter hunt, I felt incredibly defeated. I feared that my mix up with some words had pulled the children further away from knowing who God was… but this fearfulness in my flesh would not have the victory, because Christ had already won.

We headed back to Jess’ house, where an unexpected evening of intergenerational, multi-cultural, multi-lingual, time of fervent prayer, worship and community would take place. As we gathered with 4 Chilean women from our church, I still felt the friction in my heart, but I could not help but be full of joy as we humbled prayed and worshipped our sweet Savior and Father in heaven. These women poured out their souls to the Lord. They discussed with passion our responsibility as believers to pray fervently for those who do not know Christ. For the brokenness of this city. For strength in Christ, opportunities, and boldness to reach this city and the world with the Gospel.

It was beautiful. It was authentic, raw community. It was unlike anything I have experienced before.

As my friend Shannon began to pray, I began to cry. Jesus was lifting the burden I had carried all day.

-I wept over my deep desire for my friends and family here to know Jesus.

-I wept out of gratefulness for Christ’s power in my weakness.

-I wept in humility.

-I wept in thankfulness for the Gospel.

-I wept in remembrance that Christ was in control during the time we spent sharing the power of the Gospel with the children that evening, and because He was sovereign to reveal Himself to them amidst our broken words.

-I wept because I was incredibly encouraged and filled with joy by the community I was surrounded by in that moment.

-I wept because I am undeserving, yet Christ is full of grace and mercy. He was pouring out a reminder of His love on me.

As we finished praying we began to sing. Perfectly IMPERFECT worship, in both Spanish and English: every key, pitch, and harmony was lifted to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. A glimpse of heaven was seen around that table, as people from different nations, tongues, and generations gathered to lift up the name of Jesus.

All I could be was joyful and humbled that Christ would allow me to experience this glimpse of Heaven and lift up His name. I’ll never forget this moment, perfectly orchestrated by Jesus, to bring Himself the ultimate glory… glory that only He deserves.

For me these past few weeks, both full of joy and internal trials, have pointed me back to the forever faithfulness of Christ. Whether I was looking to the cross and the empty grave as we celebrated Easter, or whether I was looking at the hand of God in my life here in Chile, I was reminded that His promises are the very best promises. He who calls me IS faithful. He will surely do what He says He will.

I’m resting in the power of the resurrection today + everyday:

“Not one of the good promises that the Lord had made to the House of Israel had failed: all came to pass.” (Joshua 21:45)

“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely. And may your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will SURELY do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

Will you rest with me? Will you praise Jesus with me amidst the season He has you in? Will you follow Him fervently and await eternity with expectation? Will you let Him be your forever Savior, King, and Father?

Praising Jesus with you today, friend. Muchas gracias for being a part of my community and journey.

(I've shared my "Alabanza" playlist with you below. I couldn't just share one song... so why not share them all? ;) )

Hija del Rey,

Lydita

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Alabanza: https://open.spotify.com/user/lydiaemmalee317/playlist/3tFZCMKlyU2NtOn1dZV6Z9?si=ADeiG6wBTfmiBJZ5qubvEw

Bendiciones de las semanas pasadas:

Hecho para Más || Made for More

This quote by C.S Lewis has been really resonating with my soul lately:

“The fact that our heart yearns for something Earth can‘t supply is proof that heaven must be our home.”

This quote is surely a testament of not only my life here in Chile, but of the whole timeline of my life. With a heart fabricated for the perfection of Christ, it is no wonder that the things I expect will satisfy me here on earth will never measure up.

Some days I find myself playing a subconscious, mental game, where I look around at all the blessings God has given me, and say something along the lines of:

“If I had __________ here with me...” or “If I could add __________ to this moment in time....”

... “THEN I would be happy or content to stay here for a prolongued period of time.“

I wrestle with sinfully creating the idea in my head that adding to my situation would satisfy my soul, when in reality, nothing I could hope to add ever can or will.

Let me paint for you, a picture of what this looks like for me. In 2015, I painted my first idealistic, mental image of what life of international mission work looked like. Don’t get me wrong, I desired to serve Jesus with my whole heart, but my detailed and unrealistic idea of what that would look like did not align with HIS idea of HOW it would truly BE.

I thought that uprooting my life would be easy. Leaving the people I love. Moving into a sweet, little, traditional Latin American home- preferably with pretty iron bars covering the windows + flowers naturally surrounding it. A house that I could make a home, with a future husband + kids. Teaching children + serving God in Spanish, joyfully and with ease.

My dream was full of self. Things I hoped for out of a desire for comfort and beauty, rather than humility and sacrifice.

What is crazy is this: For the most part, I am living so much of this dream. I wake up in my Chilean home to a garden full of plants right outside my window. I walk to the metro and pass by colorful homes, murals, and panaderías... the mountain like cerros and pacific ocean paint the horizon. Color speckles the hills as I look around me and see the beauty that Latin America holds. The laughter of the niños I serve each Friday fills my whole heart, and I long for the warm embrace + kiss on the cheek from the sweet mujeres of Años Dorados (the women of my churches “Golden Years” ministry) that I have the pleasure to serve every other week. I am able to worship my Savior weekly, and with great joy, amidst a new culture + in a different language than my own. I can call those I worship with my hermanas y hermanos en Cristo. (Sisters and Brothers in Christ)

Yet still, I long for more.

These things have been everything I thought they would be, and so much more. They are both a huge blessing and daily challenge to cling to the Lord, but they don’t and never will fully satisfy my soul. They are imperfect things of this world- beautiful yet flawed. They were never meant to satisfy the longings of my heart.

I’m learning to praise God for these daily blessings rather than allow them to become idols.

I’m learning to grow to love the fabric + DNA of this beautiful country and people, because they were created in the image of my Savior. May I love them like HE loves.

I’m learning to embrace the hard + messy aspects of my life here, that I’ve sinfully thought my life would be better without. A life without the trials and valleys. I‘ve though that if God would take away the things that mess up MY picture “perfect” idea of what life is supposed to look like here, THEN everything would be good.

But His plans are not my plans, they are far better. They are more challenging, refining, and are DAILY calls to boldness.

Bold faith. Bold words. Bold LOVE.

And He is there, my fortaleza in the moments that require boldness.

-When I feel alone, I can cling to my Savior.

-When I want to give up and head back to the States, I find peace + direction in the word of the Lord.

-When I am faced with moments that tempt me to fear + cower away from God’s plan, He reminds me of the truth. He surrounds me with his people who point me back to His holiness and grace.

-I’m learning to trust God even with the “little” things, like daily communication. What once was something I felt I could do independently, I now cannot.

And ultimately, what a sweet blessing it has been to be uncomfortable. To have conversations about my faith in the bold confidence that Christ will use them. To love even when I don’t feel loved. To see the country through the eyes of my Savior and grow in passion and fervency to reach those in my life here AND afar with The Gospel.

What a blessing it is, that the imperfect blessings of this world PALE in comparison to the beauty + perfection of my Savior. (Which is saying something considering how bright and beautiful Chile is.) They pale in comparison to the wonder and majesty of an eternity-praising HIM among every tribe, tongue, and nation.

“My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.” Psalms 84:2

“Anhela mi alma y aun ardientemente desea los atrios de Jehová; Mi corazón y mi carne cantan al Dios vivo.” Salmos 84:2