This quote by C.S Lewis has been really resonating with my soul lately:
“The fact that our heart yearns for something Earth can‘t supply is proof that heaven must be our home.”
This quote is surely a testament of not only my life here in Chile, but of the whole timeline of my life. With a heart fabricated for the perfection of Christ, it is no wonder that the things I expect will satisfy me here on earth will never measure up.
Some days I find myself playing a subconscious, mental game, where I look around at all the blessings God has given me, and say something along the lines of:
“If I had __________ here with me...” or “If I could add __________ to this moment in time....”
... “THEN I would be happy or content to stay here for a prolongued period of time.“
I wrestle with sinfully creating the idea in my head that adding to my situation would satisfy my soul, when in reality, nothing I could hope to add ever can or will.
Let me paint for you, a picture of what this looks like for me. In 2015, I painted my first idealistic, mental image of what life of international mission work looked like. Don’t get me wrong, I desired to serve Jesus with my whole heart, but my detailed and unrealistic idea of what that would look like did not align with HIS idea of HOW it would truly BE.
I thought that uprooting my life would be easy. Leaving the people I love. Moving into a sweet, little, traditional Latin American home- preferably with pretty iron bars covering the windows + flowers naturally surrounding it. A house that I could make a home, with a future husband + kids. Teaching children + serving God in Spanish, joyfully and with ease.
My dream was full of self. Things I hoped for out of a desire for comfort and beauty, rather than humility and sacrifice.
What is crazy is this: For the most part, I am living so much of this dream. I wake up in my Chilean home to a garden full of plants right outside my window. I walk to the metro and pass by colorful homes, murals, and panaderías... the mountain like cerros and pacific ocean paint the horizon. Color speckles the hills as I look around me and see the beauty that Latin America holds. The laughter of the niños I serve each Friday fills my whole heart, and I long for the warm embrace + kiss on the cheek from the sweet mujeres of Años Dorados (the women of my churches “Golden Years” ministry) that I have the pleasure to serve every other week. I am able to worship my Savior weekly, and with great joy, amidst a new culture + in a different language than my own. I can call those I worship with my hermanas y hermanos en Cristo. (Sisters and Brothers in Christ)
Yet still, I long for more.
These things have been everything I thought they would be, and so much more. They are both a huge blessing and daily challenge to cling to the Lord, but they don’t and never will fully satisfy my soul. They are imperfect things of this world- beautiful yet flawed. They were never meant to satisfy the longings of my heart.
I’m learning to praise God for these daily blessings rather than allow them to become idols.
I’m learning to grow to love the fabric + DNA of this beautiful country and people, because they were created in the image of my Savior. May I love them like HE loves.
I’m learning to embrace the hard + messy aspects of my life here, that I’ve sinfully thought my life would be better without. A life without the trials and valleys. I‘ve though that if God would take away the things that mess up MY picture “perfect” idea of what life is supposed to look like here, THEN everything would be good.
But His plans are not my plans, they are far better. They are more challenging, refining, and are DAILY calls to boldness.
Bold faith. Bold words. Bold LOVE.
And He is there, my fortaleza in the moments that require boldness.
-When I feel alone, I can cling to my Savior.
-When I want to give up and head back to the States, I find peace + direction in the word of the Lord.
-When I am faced with moments that tempt me to fear + cower away from God’s plan, He reminds me of the truth. He surrounds me with his people who point me back to His holiness and grace.
-I’m learning to trust God even with the “little” things, like daily communication. What once was something I felt I could do independently, I now cannot.
And ultimately, what a sweet blessing it has been to be uncomfortable. To have conversations about my faith in the bold confidence that Christ will use them. To love even when I don’t feel loved. To see the country through the eyes of my Savior and grow in passion and fervency to reach those in my life here AND afar with The Gospel.
What a blessing it is, that the imperfect blessings of this world PALE in comparison to the beauty + perfection of my Savior. (Which is saying something considering how bright and beautiful Chile is.) They pale in comparison to the wonder and majesty of an eternity-praising HIM among every tribe, tongue, and nation.
“My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.” Psalms 84:2
“Anhela mi alma y aun ardientemente desea los atrios de Jehová; Mi corazón y mi carne cantan al Dios vivo.” Salmos 84:2
